literature

Mute!SpainxReader: Love is Unspoken

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FearlessLullaby's avatar
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Literature Text

A pair of soulful emerald green orbs gazed straight into yours calmly, but filled with a deep sadness that broke your heart into a tiny thousand pieces. You'd never seen anyone look so... defeated before.

Your boss had ordered you to take care of the Spanish man by the name of Antonio Fernández Carriedo; the reason being that he was mute. Silent. Never to speak again.
From what you'd been told, it appeared as though he wasn't born that way, but rather, an accident had damaged his vocal chords to the point where they would no longer function.

You handed him a completely blank notebook, along with sharpened wooden pencils that had good erasers on their ends. "Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

He nodded silently and began to write in a slow and steady manner, the pencil making small scratching noises against the paper. He wrote, "I was born in Madrid, Spain. I used to be a singer, until I got into the accident and lost my voice."

Tears of sympathy gathered in the corners of your eyes. He just seemed so...lost. He had lost his dream, maybe something he was looking for his entire life! You felt something similar to pity for him.

"What's your favorite food?" you asked him, trying to change the subject to a happier one.

"Tomatoes," he scribbled with a tiny grin.

You noticed that his handwriting was rather boyish for an adult, which made you laugh to yourself. "I like tomatoes too," you replied.

"My friend gave me some. Would you like one?" he offered on paper, glancing up at you with a flicker of hope in his green spheres.

"Sure!" you beamed at him, and Antonio stood up to collect the tomatoes. Once he was out of earshot, you murmured, "That's so sad...he couldn't continue his dreams of being a singer."

He came back, tanned arms holding a big basket that was filled to the brim with luscious looking shiny red tomatoes. Handing you the bright fruit, his lips curved upward and he bit into one himself, the cool juice dribbling down his chin.

"Haha, you look like a little kid!" you chortled, unable to control yourself at the sight of that particular comical scene.

Antonio grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head, only succeeding in making you laugh even harder.

I'm really glad he doesn't seem as sad as before, you thought to yourself with a tiny smile. Then, a thought suddenly struck you. It was lunchtime! Frowning, you glanced at him and wanted to know, "What would you like for lunch?"

He jotted down, "Paella."
You flinched with a nervous giggle. The truth was, you had absolutely no idea how to make that Spanish dish.

As if he could read your mind, Antonio wrote "I'll show you," with a twinkle in his warm green eyes. You blushed in embarrassment as they met yours.

Opening the freezer door, he pulled out three large mussels. Going over to the correct basket on the counter, he grabbed an onion. You took out red and yellow bell peppers at his written request. Squid, shrimp, and rice soon joined the growing pile of ingredients on the table.

The first thing you had to do was place the mussels in very hot oil, and wait for them to crack open before placing them into a tin container filled with cool water. While you did that, he was chopping the onion into little pieces with astounding speed. You minced the red and yellow bell peppers with a pout, trying not to feel utterly outdone by the mute man.

You could feel the warmth of his body as Antonio stood behind you. He took your small hand in his, guiding you through the complicated process of preparing the squid. His large hands gave off quite a lot of heat, which you told yourself was the reason your face burned.

As the two of you continued to prepare the food together, you noticed how his broad shoulders gradually eased into a relaxed position, and the sunny smile that dazzled you seemed to come more naturally. Looking downward with a blush, you made a silent oath to yourself. I swear that I'll never let those green eyes show such sadness ever again. I'll be his voice if he needs me.  
This story is based off this picture: [link]
So, this is a Mute!SpainxReader. The first of 4 surprise oneshots for ~greenmusiclovingfrug because she one 1st place in my contest.
Dx the steps for making paella are most likely not accurate, because I took them off of Cooking Mama. *shot dead*
Hetalia belongs to :iconhimaruyaplz:
You belong to :iconspainwinkplz:

;D My buddy :iconscarletsynthesia: helped out with this one too <3
~ScarletSynthesia: OMFG AHI DUDES I HELP IN IT! Sorry for random spazz, but I’m just spazzing cuz I can control her compah MUAHAHAHAHAHA XD Enjoy the story!
© 2012 - 2024 FearlessLullaby
Comments70
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stkf's avatar
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

What intimidated me about this piece (and a few others) was the 'overkill' in the first line. "A pair of soulful emerald green orbs gazed straight into yours calmly, but filled with a deep sadness that broke your heart into a tiny thousand pieces." To me, this is too many adjectives and nouns packed into one long sentence. Not to mention, the line about my heart breaking into a tiny thousand pieces just makes me giggle.

"He nodded silently and began to write in a slow and steady manner, the pencil making small scratching noises against the paper." This sentence, on the other hand, sounds great. Although it is about as long as the other one, things don't sound like they were crushed together. Slow and steady is just two simple adjectives paired up, and small scratching, is two simple adjectives. Plus, both sentences contain alliteration, and use of literary techniques always makes me giddy when used properly.

As for the whole piece, I like it. Like most of your reader-inserts that I've read, it's short and sweet. The conversation scene was cute and fluffy, perfect to take away from the depressing idea of being a mute who 'lost his dream'. Right away, the narrator and Antonio have good chemistry, and I like how you added, "As if he could read your mind".

Oh, and I appreciate how simple, but specific the cooking scene was. Instead of going through all of the written instructions from Antonio, you summed it up with phrashes like, "at his written request". Even between the instructions of how to make it, you add fluffy parts that make the reader want to smile. It was sweet, though I didn't agree with the last line. "I'll be his voice if he needs me." It feels like it was thrown in there last minute, and not relevant to the story, just the fact Antonio is mute.

Finally, the challenge of trying to rate this. I believe you did a good job of getting the theme across, so probably a three. It feels like, for the most part, Antonio's inability to talk was not an issue, and I guess that's best for a fluffy story like this.

For originality, I think a three would suit this. I've never heard or seen a Mute!SpainxReader before.

Technique goes along with what I mentioned before, like the alliteration. I can see some other techniques used in this, like imagery (though it would've been nice to have a visual description of Spain), so I'd say another three.

As for impact, I'm still unsure. I don't think this intended to be a heart-breaking story that would make me bawl, or a sugary love story that'd make me go "aww". It's just a good, simple, and enjoyable read. Not really much impact, so I'd give it a one. But I bet it's impacted other readers, and I hope along with them that you keep writing these!