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Literature Text
"Are you ready?" America asked, as the other nations gathered around his laptop.
They nodded, eager to listen to the strange song that the alien Tony had sent to America, who hadn't listened to it yet.
I think I love you more than the
Japanese love tentacle porn-
America quickly clicked the pause button, shooting a horrified look at Japan. "WOAH, dude! I totally didn't know you liked that stuff!"
The latter blushed a dark shade of red and stammered, "I-It is untrue, I do not watch such things…"
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these
stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a
unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these
stereotypes.
"Dudes, do any of you know what a 'stereotype' is?" America asked, looking terribly confused.
"I'm not sure, but I think the dictionary says it's 'a set of inaccurate, simplistic generalizations about a group that allows others to categorize them and treat them accordingly'." England replied, furrowing his thick eyebrows.
"Sorry, man. Can you talk in English?" America looked at England, perplexed.
"It's very hard to explain, aru." China told America with a sigh.
Check it out now.
I love those fat Americans.
You know they so obnoxious.
They always eating burgers.
They always holding shotguns.
"WHAT? That was cruel!" America wailed, throwing his arms up in the air.
England snickered, covering his mouth to stifle his laughter. He finally couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. "Oh my God! It's so true!"
And I love Mexicans.
The way they mow my lawn.
They all got a hundred kids 'cause they don't know how to put a
condom on.
"I did not know Mexicans had so many children." Japan said, blinking a couple of times.
"Neither did I. This song is so educational! Except that it forgot to say that I'm the hero." America responded.
Uh huh.
'Cause that's the way they roll.
Ya gotta go big like an Israeli nose.
If you ever buy a pint for an Irish guy,
And they're out of control like a Chinese driver.
"Wow, I wonder if the Israeli have noses as big as Russia's?" America glanced at said nation curiously.
"Kolkolkol…" Russia glared at America, a deep purple aura beginning to form around him.
"How rude! We are quite good at driving." China bristled, seeming offended.
I love the Middle East, but how do they handle
Rockin' burkas while they're riding camels.
I love Jamaicans. Yeah, they cool,
but they're always high, so don't let them fool ya.
Ya mon.
And I love them Puerto Ricans,
Even though they wash their ass about once a week and,
I'm just joking.
If you didn't know then
You're a little slow and you're probably from Poland.
"Dude, we're like, totally not slow at all!" Poland protested. "We're, like, speedier than motorcycles. Vroom, vroom!"
Aw yeah! Let me hear you yell
If you love the Outback
redneck Australians,
And the crooked ass teeth of an English dude
And those creepy Italians who think they're smooth.
Mamma mia!
And how could anyone hate the French.
Yeah, I know their hairy women don't shave their pits.
Brazilian girls is what you want,
Walking around town with that ba-dunk-a-dunk.
"You bloody wanker!" England snapped at the laptop. "My teeth are perfectly straight, thank you very much! Although, they were totally right about the French."
"Excuse Moi?! French women are very beautiful! Both your teeth AND your brain are crooked!" France retorted.
"G-Germany, what did they mean by 'creepy Italians'?" Italy sniffled, his light brown eyes welling up with large tears.
"Um…well, I don't think they meant to say that." Germany answered, scratching his head.
I love Africans, but hold up a second.
National Geographic says they're all butt-nekkid.
Breasts hanging low. What have they done with their clothes?
They've disappeared like coke up a Colombians nose.
Uh oh! You're all on my checklist,
Even Russian guys who drink Vodka for breakfast.
They're stereotypes, and if you believe them,
Then your brain is small like a Korean's penis.
Egypt thwacked the computer with a stick, scowling slightly.
"I am not the only one who drinks vodka for breakfast, da?" Russia looked menacingly at the laptop.
"What?! My penis is not small!" Korea yelled indignantly, throwing a small hissy fit.
All together now!
I love Scotsmen, though they hump sheep.
They hump sheep
Silence followed this phrase, as the nations blinked, trying to mentally digest what they had just heard.
"Well, now I suppose I can talk to my brother about his…habits." England finally said, staring at the laptop in awe.
America silently closed the laptop, his hair shadowing stunned light blue eyes.
They nodded, eager to listen to the strange song that the alien Tony had sent to America, who hadn't listened to it yet.
I think I love you more than the
Japanese love tentacle porn-
America quickly clicked the pause button, shooting a horrified look at Japan. "WOAH, dude! I totally didn't know you liked that stuff!"
The latter blushed a dark shade of red and stammered, "I-It is untrue, I do not watch such things…"
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these
stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a
unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these
stereotypes.
"Dudes, do any of you know what a 'stereotype' is?" America asked, looking terribly confused.
"I'm not sure, but I think the dictionary says it's 'a set of inaccurate, simplistic generalizations about a group that allows others to categorize them and treat them accordingly'." England replied, furrowing his thick eyebrows.
"Sorry, man. Can you talk in English?" America looked at England, perplexed.
"It's very hard to explain, aru." China told America with a sigh.
Check it out now.
I love those fat Americans.
You know they so obnoxious.
They always eating burgers.
They always holding shotguns.
"WHAT? That was cruel!" America wailed, throwing his arms up in the air.
England snickered, covering his mouth to stifle his laughter. He finally couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. "Oh my God! It's so true!"
And I love Mexicans.
The way they mow my lawn.
They all got a hundred kids 'cause they don't know how to put a
condom on.
"I did not know Mexicans had so many children." Japan said, blinking a couple of times.
"Neither did I. This song is so educational! Except that it forgot to say that I'm the hero." America responded.
Uh huh.
'Cause that's the way they roll.
Ya gotta go big like an Israeli nose.
If you ever buy a pint for an Irish guy,
And they're out of control like a Chinese driver.
"Wow, I wonder if the Israeli have noses as big as Russia's?" America glanced at said nation curiously.
"Kolkolkol…" Russia glared at America, a deep purple aura beginning to form around him.
"How rude! We are quite good at driving." China bristled, seeming offended.
I love the Middle East, but how do they handle
Rockin' burkas while they're riding camels.
I love Jamaicans. Yeah, they cool,
but they're always high, so don't let them fool ya.
Ya mon.
And I love them Puerto Ricans,
Even though they wash their ass about once a week and,
I'm just joking.
If you didn't know then
You're a little slow and you're probably from Poland.
"Dude, we're like, totally not slow at all!" Poland protested. "We're, like, speedier than motorcycles. Vroom, vroom!"
Aw yeah! Let me hear you yell
If you love the Outback
redneck Australians,
And the crooked ass teeth of an English dude
And those creepy Italians who think they're smooth.
Mamma mia!
And how could anyone hate the French.
Yeah, I know their hairy women don't shave their pits.
Brazilian girls is what you want,
Walking around town with that ba-dunk-a-dunk.
"You bloody wanker!" England snapped at the laptop. "My teeth are perfectly straight, thank you very much! Although, they were totally right about the French."
"Excuse Moi?! French women are very beautiful! Both your teeth AND your brain are crooked!" France retorted.
"G-Germany, what did they mean by 'creepy Italians'?" Italy sniffled, his light brown eyes welling up with large tears.
"Um…well, I don't think they meant to say that." Germany answered, scratching his head.
I love Africans, but hold up a second.
National Geographic says they're all butt-nekkid.
Breasts hanging low. What have they done with their clothes?
They've disappeared like coke up a Colombians nose.
Uh oh! You're all on my checklist,
Even Russian guys who drink Vodka for breakfast.
They're stereotypes, and if you believe them,
Then your brain is small like a Korean's penis.
Egypt thwacked the computer with a stick, scowling slightly.
"I am not the only one who drinks vodka for breakfast, da?" Russia looked menacingly at the laptop.
"What?! My penis is not small!" Korea yelled indignantly, throwing a small hissy fit.
All together now!
I love Scotsmen, though they hump sheep.
They hump sheep
Silence followed this phrase, as the nations blinked, trying to mentally digest what they had just heard.
"Well, now I suppose I can talk to my brother about his…habits." England finally said, staring at the laptop in awe.
America silently closed the laptop, his hair shadowing stunned light blue eyes.
Literature
100 Ways to Annoy the Nordics
100 Ways to Annoy the Nordics
Denmark
1. Ask why he's not as cool as Sweden.
2. Ask why he speaks with a potato in his mouth.
3. Ask him how the Kalmar Union is.
4. Ask him how many Lego pieces it costs to buy a tub of Häagen-Dazs.
5. Point out that the Swedish flag looks just like the Danish flag.
6. Point out that the Icelandic, Norwegian and Finnish flags do too.
7. Drink his beer.
8. Ask him why his country is so small.
9. Ask how many times Sweden has kicked his butt.
10. Tell him that Norway does not love him.
11. Tell him Norway loves Sweden.
12. While talking about politics, ask who the head of bar tending is in Denm
Literature
100 Ways to Annoy England
100 Ways to Annoy England
1. Insult his tea/cooking.
2. Speak French.
3. Say 'learned' instead of 'learnt'.
4. Tell him that unicorns are just colorful horses with ice cream cones on their head.
5. Touch his eyebrows.
6. Say his eyebrows look like fluffy caterpillars.
7. Call the British football soccer.
8. Randomly scream in his face.
9. Stare at him like he has three eyes until he screams at you.
10. Call him a punk.
11. Call him random nicknames like 'butt-munch'.
12. Insist that he watches 'uni-porn' or unicorns doing porn.
13. Ask if Tinkerbelle is his friend.
14. Ask what drugs he's on to see his fairy friends.
15. Insist
Literature
Hetalia Drinking Game: Allies
America Drinking Game
Take a drink every time:
1. Use of "I'M THE HERO!"
2. A hamburger is mentioned/he is eating one
3. Florida is mentioned
4. He is paired with England (bonus if there's FrUk fans bitching in the comments)
5. He is paired with Japan
6. He is paired with Belarus
7. He is paired with Russia
8. Texas/Nantucket are mentioned
9. Someone gives him hell about the Revolutionary War
10. McDonald's is mentioned (Bonus points if it's fanart including Ronald McDonald)
11. Wild West America is depicted as younger than Revolutionary War America
12. Any of his character songs are mentioned
13. Someone calls him fat
14. Some
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